well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
