Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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