I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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