Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
