After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
