i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
