U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Houston, we have a blender
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
