Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
