I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
