I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
