those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i think i just lost a toe
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