Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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