you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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