Umm I'm too high to move.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
