omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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