Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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