yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
