Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
