I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
