Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
