filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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