I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
