Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
