his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
