its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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