and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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