Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
