I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
