First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
