xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
