Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
