do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
