I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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