so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
