Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
