i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
