He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
