The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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