allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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