I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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