I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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