you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
