there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
