Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
