I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to stop coming to work sober
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
