yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
