Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
