My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
