How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
