Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
