I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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